“I really should be like this…”
“Man, that person really has it all together and I’m a mess!”
I have found that there are two very common and self-defeating comparisons we make.
One is to some idealized standard.
Those are all the “should” statements we make about anything and everything we think, feel, or do.
The other is to some unicorn of a person we see as miraculously and flawlessly “having it all together” — at least in all the ways we struggle.
Both of these are traps.
And it is ridiculously easy to get caught.
So here’s a way to get better at releasing your foot from the jaws of the comparison trap.
Practice MORE CARING and LESS COMPARING.
If that sounds difficult, try thinking about how we treat babies (or toddlers or any young children really).
(Admittedly, this might be easier if you are a parent. But humor me and try it. If nothing else, I’m assuming you were a kid once yourself!)
Frequent unhealthy comparing might be pointing you to something “young” or “fragile” in yourself or your life that needs a little more protection.
A skill you are developing. A business you are launching. A project you are planning.
These are your babies. (Maybe you have even called something you are working on “my baby,” right? That’s not a coincidence!)
Babies are vulnerable — certainly compared to their larger human counterparts.
That’s why we babyproof homes. And hold them. And tend to their every need.
That’s also why we (hopefully) offer more nurturing or caring.
We don’t take a little baby who is just learning to pick up and awkwardly toss a toy ball and sit that baby on the sidelines of a college basketball game and admonish the baby for not throwing a more crisp bounce.
(At least, I hope you don’t!)
Instead, when the baby clumsily chucks the ball a few inches in front of itself then stumbles after it, we whoop and holler like it was a fast break no-look-pass from LeBron to A.D. for the flush.
We might even filmed this moment and posted it to every known social media outlet.
We’re proud.
We also protect what is vulnerable. We celebrate the wins. And we act as if it is the most amazing thing in the universe — our universe — at that moment.
What if this was how we treated something we were practicing or creating for ourselves?
What if instead of comparing it and seeing it or ourselves as “less than” or “not enough,” we protected it more and celebrated it harder?
If you are finding yourself increasingly snagged in comparison traps, it could be an invitation to take a step back and offer that part of yourself a little more protecting and celebrating.
Then, when it feels a bit stronger, put it on the bigger stage. You might be surprised to find you are less concerned with comparing.
That is the power of caring over comparing.
So, what’s something in your life that could use a little more caring and a little less comparing?
